


alone again or

by mthslh



Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood Loss, Confessions, Domestic, Loneliness, M/M, Violence, in a drug dealer sorta way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23913019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthslh/pseuds/mthslh
Summary: Lalo, in a rare moment of weakness.
Relationships: Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca/Ignacio "Nacho" Varga
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	alone again or

**Author's Note:**

> TW for blood. Violent scene isn't shown but is mentioned. No sexual content.

Nacho jumped in the car as soon as Lalo called him.

“Ven aquí, Ignacio. I need you over here,” he’d said. Hadn’t given Nacho a chance to say a word. Nacho didn’t particularly want to go get involved in another of his messes, of course, but he had no choice. He’d put on a pair of pants and gotten in the car.

Nacho knocks on the door. “¡Adelante!” yells a familiar voice. Nacho tests the doorknob, walking in when he discovers it’s unlocked.

Lalo sits on the couch facing away from the door, his neck bleeding profusely, head tilted to stem the flow.

“Went to see an... old friend,” Lalo slurs. He’s obviously been drinking. “Luckily, he only had a knife on him.”

“You need me to get him, then?”

“Oh, no!” Lalo laughs. “I killed him. I need help with the bleeding. Can hardly fucking stand, let alone fix myself up.”

Nacho stifles a sigh. He’s a criminal, not a goddamn nanny. He shouldn’t be coming around and cleaning up every goddamn scrape Salamanca got into.

But he can’t afford not to.

“Peroxide, bandages, towels in the middle cabinet in the 2nd bathroom,” Lalo tells him. “Second room on the right.” 

Nacho heads off and finds everything exactly where Lalo said it would be. He's insufferable, but he keeps his house as organized as his business. The towels are already stained with blood- Nacho wonders who cleaned him up last time.

He returns to the living room. "Can you get your shirt off?"

Lalo slowly and silently removes the shirt with gritted teeth.

Nacho pours the peroxide into the cap, and then over Lalo's wound. Lalo hisses quietly. "Ay, Nachito, careful!"

"Sorry," he murmurs, patting the wound dry. Lalo wasn't cut too deep, but it stretches from across a vein on his chest to the back of his neck, covering him in blood. "It hurts?"

"Not 'til you poured that shit in it, man. A little is enough."

A little would not have been enough, but Nacho knows better than to cause unnecessary trouble by disputing the point.

"Dizzy?"

"Not too bad. Just need a little while."

Nacho busies himself tending to the wound and bandaging Lalo. A comfortable silence envelops them as Nacho works and Lalo grinds his teeth.

"Nacho, do you have friends?"

“What?”

“‘Course you do,” Lalo laughs, voice cold. “You’ve got a life outside of the cartel. Not much of one, but you have the opportunity. The little girlfriends and your papa and all that.”

Nacho blinks. It feels less like the usual trap and more like a breakdown, but either way he has no idea what Lalo wants.

“I’ve got all the money and power I’ve ever dreamt of, and yet I can’t get anyone to fucking _touch_ me. You don’t get too close to Lalo Salamanca or you get burned.” Lalo takes a shaky breath. “Nobody has ever loved me, Nacho. Do you know what that feels like?”

By now, the bandages are finished, and Nacho has walked to the edge of the room like he’s planning an escape route. He shakes his head. His father’s always loved him, and the girls too, in a fucked up sort of way. He can’t imagine what it’s like to have nobody like that.

“Not even my goddamn parents. The Salamancas only have the time to love money, and nothing else. Doesn’t matter if I want that or not. Nacho, would you bring me some water?”

Nacho jolts into action, grabbing a glass for Lalo. He brings it over and Lalo takes a sip before speaking again.

“I can never get close to anyone, Nacho. The ones that aren’t liabilities are scared of me. Can’t get a girlfriend, there’s no woman in the business who’s not my fucking cousin. Men, too. Can’t make friends.”

Nacho’s brow furrows. He hadn’t pegged Lalo as the queer type, but maybe he’d misheard. After all, it takes one to know one.

“Everyone’s scared of me. Come here.”

A step forward.

“Closer.”

Another step.

“Look at me.”

They’re nose-to-nose now, and Nacho is scared and a little bit horny. He’s completely sober, other than a couple of beers, but he feels drunk on the adrenaline from the events of the night.

“You’re scared of me, Ignacio. You’re the man I trust most other than my own flesh and blood and you’re scared of me. Every time I step too close you shut down. Your life would be easier if I were dead and you know it. You’d _rather_ me be dead.”

All of a sudden, the one thing Nacho knows for sure- that Eduardo Salamanca has to die for him to be happy- disappears in front of his eyes. He can’t find the will to respond.

Lalo sighs. “You’ve done enough. Get the fuck out of my house before my neighbors wake up.” The birds have begun chirping by now, Nacho’s been at the house for hours, and dawn is on her way.

And so Nacho leaves the house, confused and upset. Why the hell would Lalo tell him that shit? Lalo didn’t need anyone, and didn’t want anyone knowing his business. Why would he pretend to care about Nacho? He couldn’t possibly be serious.

He’s still afraid it was a test, and he can’t tell if he’d passed or failed.

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever BCS fic, and hopefully not my last. This is a rather short piece— i usually write very casual lovey-dovey stuff, and all the writers of BCS fic are so intimidatingly good!
> 
> I haven’t actually seen it all, but I’m caught up on the most recent season. I feel okay with my characterizations but I’m not sure if I like this or not. I only speak 2 years of school’s worth of Spanish, so I kept it very minimal.
> 
> The title is from Love’s incredible song of the same title. Give it a spin, it’s lovely!
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
